One of the most common "symptoms" of transition is chaos: chaotic emotions, chaotic schedules, chaotic thoughts, chaotic suitcases, chaotic life, chaos! This certainly has been the case for me over the past nine weeks. However, I just returned from a week away in Ontario and now I don't know when the next time will be that I travel outside of the Maritimes. I'm here for good (well, at least for the next 5 years). There is something so releasing and relieving in making that declaration, and yet it is simultaneously painful and utterly heartbreaking.
The reason I was in Ontario last week was to attend ReBoot, a conference for MKs (Missionary Kids) who are repatriating to Canada to begin university. We came from many different organizations and agencies and represented countries literally from all over the world. Yet, it was amazing to see how by the second morning--after only several hours together, we had already found a camaraderie and connection with each other that went deep. I think it is safe to say that, while each of our personal experiences and stories were so varied and unique, we were all amazed at how similar our lives & thoughts & struggles were.
I could fill a book with things that I learned and thoughts evoked by this past week, so I'll just give you a few of the highlights. I was reminded of the different ways that mono-culturals and third culture kids (TCKs) develop relationships--and that they both end up at the same level of intimacy eventually. I was given some frightening statistics about spirituality and sexuality in North America, and more specifically on university and college campuses. I discovered some things that I've been holding onto that are a hindrance in making this transition. I learned about Biblical Discernment. I developed a plan and some specific goals for this journey I am on. I learned, and can see, that one of the biggest pitfalls of an MK is arrogance. I learned about some TCKs talked about in the Bible, and how God worked in and through their lives. I made some amazing friendships and found belonging with others who understand the many sides of the life I have led so far. I heard and told numerous funny stories and shared many laughs. I benefitted from talking with adult MKs who have already gone through this transition, some many years ago and others more recently. I was stretched. I had fun.
One of the other MKs who attended ReBoot wrote an amazing post on her own blog that I want to share. She beautifully and eloquently captures so much of what we experienced in a few short paragraphs.
Where to begin? I don’t know how to describe the incredible week I’ve just been through, at a seminar for missionary kids come back to Canada to stay. It was called ‘Reboot’. And what a perfect name for what it was—a reboot, a new start, with fresh gusto. There’s no way to describe the immediate intimacy we felt, staff and kids alike, just because of the similar backgrounds we had: all of us aliens in our own ‘home’ countries. From Japan, Indonesia, Guinea, Brazil, Ecuador, Pakistan, Kenya and beyond, 10 missionary kids and 10 staff that were ex-missionary kids, met for a week of intensive debriefing.
I had no idea there was so much hurt, bitterness and anger inside me before I went. I didn’t know I was holding onto things from years ago, harbouring poisonous thoughts that were eating me up inside.
I can’t describe how the staff reached out, and with their loving honesty and patient listening, acted as God’s hands, coaxing the bitterness out of me. How do I explain the way they seemed to ask just the right questions, give the right kind of encouragement, and provide the perfect advice? We had sessions on grief, transition, spiritual discernment, relationships, security and more. For the mks attending, it was surprising to find that some of the stereotypes we were familiar with about us were exactly true, and that some were totally not. While we perfectly fit the mold for an mk, we are still, each of us, completely unique. I learnt that in the heart of a self-conscious, lonely, insecure mk, pride and arrogance is one of the deadliest and easiest sins. I learnt that first impressions can be completely deceiving, and good relationships in the West take lots of patience and time. I learnt that a ‘Hoser’ is a loser. I learnt that police in Canada can be trusted. I learnt that the West is SO tolerant of all religions, sexual orientations, and personal beliefs, that it is extremely intolerant of expression of opinions. I learnt that getting rid of old grief and pain is glorious.
I can’t explain it all, the depth of spiritual renewal that I received, or the joy of being with people that completely understood, the laughing and crying…but I do know one thing. God was at work. We were told that there was a prayer network all around the world, praying for the success of the week, and I am convinced that God answered the prayers in His dependable, more than sufficient way.
While it is absolutely true that knowing I am now settling here in New Brunswick feels elating and gut-wrenching, one of the other truths that was emphasized at ReBoot is that my background is one of my most precious belongings. Therefore, I am choosing to move forward and embrace this next chapter in my life while continuing to hold onto aspects of my many adopted, non-North American cultures.
** I tried to post some more pictures, but it wouldn't cooperate with me right now. If you want to check some out, Michele Phoenix posted a bunch on Facebook. (You can get to it here: https://www.facebook.com/shellphoenix/media_set?set=a.697676884648.1073741845.187703169&type=3)
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